I am who I was
and who I am going to be

unwilling reminders that sneak in through defences
unexpected stabs of remembrance in a forgetful day

the obvious have been hidden
the most painful are surprising

the search for Peace continues into the darkness,
thoughts seeking a place unoccupied by the thinker

do they meet a like mind?
or have they been rejected

the reminder is added to the wall
and the world goes on.

-Julie Lawlor

searching for dreamless sleep
a true escape
a few hours of relief
before the trial of awareness returns

much more therapeutic then expression
a chance to completely forget
to be a child again
to regain lost innocence

one moment without worry

-Julie Lawlor

Ignorance

never bliss
constantly gnawing
impossible to ignore

easy to deal with when personally possessed
torture to those who watch,
wait,
helpless in the fog of it,
hopeless in any thoughts of aid,
trapped in longing for knowledge;
anything to feel less burdened

reduced to a spectator
of your own dilemma

-Julie Lawlor

circling thoughts
continually restless
bitter epiphanies
a longing for resolution

yet another stitch in the creation
an addition to the things that shape,
bind.
planning the unpleasantness
always looking to control
but wanting to let go

if you could do it over again

would you?

could you recover either way?

-Julie Lawlor

sitting here listening to the silence
of a now empty heart

a heart that was full of naive hopes:
this time is better,
this time is different,
this time will last
a heart that is now silent
protecting itself by going numb
preserving the ache until the courage comes.

fear is the greatest protector
allowing us to neglect rationality
lowering our ability to be individual
tricking us into hope:
the easiest excuse...defense

if happiness is the goal then
why is fear the master?

merciless

fear turns us to hope
hope to delusion
delusion to regret
regret to anger
anger to courage
and the renewed noise of heart.

-Julie Lawlor